Why women nag in relationships — respondents

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Jean wrote: I have told you men to stop name calling at women. When they are, they find a way to stay on top; if not, they retaliate by being quiet. It's just surreal the amount of entitlement and selfishness that is so common among married women today.

Similarly, some men write harsh stuff and try to be as offensive as they can example: your post because in their heads that is the only way they will be heard. I'm convinced you have no idea what you're talking about and are not married nor know what goes on in your friends' married lives. What combination of what you were asking for and what your partner is willing to do produced the accusation of nagging?

Why do women nag?

The notion of the nagging wife is one of the most common negative stereotypes there is about married women. Her victim, the henpecked husband, tries desperately to escape her clutches, but she keeps harping away. There is no cultural counterpart to the nagging husband. One argument is that men and women speak two different languages. As a result what would come out sounding like a reasonable request from a man translates into an annoying and inappropriate nag from a woman. It exaggerates whatever differences there are between men and women, emphasizing stereotypes rather than the actual way that men and women behave. In reality, they argue, the speech of one man may differ more that of other men than it does from women. Class, race,region, and can produce more variability within genders than differences between genders alone. We tend to stereotype women as using these qualifications in their speech than do men based on the assumption that the typical woman lacks self-confidence. However, quantitative studies show that both men and women use tag questions in their speech. Men and women both speak in this way depending on the setting, the topic of the conversation, and the roles of the speakers. Women who ask their husbands once, twice, or more to do what they want receive this pejorative judgment regardless of whether the request is reasonable or not. The social stereotype of the nagging woman can create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Consider the following scenario: A woman believes she has asked why do women nag man to help her with a household chore but because she was afraid of being a nag, she asked only very indirectly. The man can now, perhaps quite rightfully, believe that there was no urgency, so mentally figures he will do it at some later point in time. The woman may mull this over for perhaps a few minutes or hours, and then burst out with a complaint or criticism. As a result, her becomes tarnished and her husband can respond with righteous indignation. In the end, she may very well end up doing the chore herself, feeling both resentful of him and disgusted with herself. However, as McHugh and Harbaugh note in their chapter, seeing women as needing to become more and clearer in their communication blames them for the many inequities they face in both at home and in the work place. The fact why do women nag the matter is that given our social stereotypes about appropriate behavior for men and women, there are many women who feel uncomfortable about adopting the more aggressive and demanding tones that such advice suggests they use in their speech. She disguised her strong will behind a sweet, honey-dipped Southern drawl, often disarming the men she worked with and interrogated. Women may feel they need to disguise their voices, then, in order to get what they want without sounding pushy or dominant. These findings imply that if women want positions ofthey need to lower their voices if they want to be perceived as more dominant than they are. This becomes a Catch-22 for a woman in her personal life. However, if you let your voice go up too high you run the risk of not being taken seriously. Unfortunately, the stereotype of the nagging wife is not going to go away quickly. Language is more than grammar and semantics; it also reflects the society in which it evolves. Being called a nag is never easy to take, and can cause you to question and doubt yourself. The next time this happens, try to have a candid discussion with your partner. What combination of what you were asking for and what your partner is willing to do produced the accusation of nagging. Without getting into the blame game, try to sort out the contributions that you each made to the situation. In either case, getting it out there will help keep the situation from escalating. In the meantime, by opening channels of communication it might be possible for you to keep it from becoming a household word. Follow me on Twitter for daily updates on psychology, health, and. Feel free to join my group,to discuss today's blog, or to ask further questions about this posting. Copyright Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph. The perception and parameters of intentional voice manipulation. She said, he said: Gender, language, and power. There is no such thing as a nagging wife. The hundreds of millions of married men who've experienced nagging were merely imagining things, or making false assumptions based on malicious, sexist stereotypes. There are just as many women complaining about the long list of demands their husbands constantly hector them with. As soon as a woman comes home, her husband invariably besieges her with petty complaints and demands. Women make reasonable requests, and sexist pigs object out of spite and malice. Politeness and gratitude are for old-fashioned women. I have told you men to stop name calling at women. If you continue to call us bitches, then can we call you dickhead or bastards. And if you keep using the term mangina, can we women say you have a little ladypenis Grow up and be men and try to hold a decent conversation without calling women some silly names, the man club has made up because you all can no longer control women. Jean wrote: I have told you men to stop name calling why do women nag women. Wildcat Jean wildcat kitten, Mangina is already an insult to men. It describes men who pander to women like you. If you want to be taken seriously, you need rise above the typical feminist butt-hurt victimhood whining. So go nag and nitpick someone else. And you can call me whatever name you want. I really don't care what you think so it's all good. A mangina is a real thing but thankfully young men are waking up and liberating themselves. Are women allowed to insult men. In fact, it is even more socially acceptable nowadays - especially to laugh at violence against said gender. That is just a fact of reality. As for this article and why we call women nagging and men requesting --- absurd. I've never seen that happen, and the author seems to have no idea what nagging actually is. Like, sometimes I come home from work and my girlfriend has taken the last cold drink and didn't think to put a new one in for me - so I put some in myself and grab a warm drink because it's not a big deal. But tiny little things I do or don't do always seem to come up in a little passive aggressive kind of way, usually when she's not in a very good mood or upset at someone not even related to me or our relationship. If I do not work, the house cleaning, cooking, laundry etc. Lawn, trash, slaying dragons, he does for us except maybe a very small dragon. I work, so he helps me out with our chores and I mow the front lawn for us, its flatter and easier for me to do. He hates cleaning toilet so I do that for us. What is wrong with you people. He is a very handy type guy, and never gives me crap if I have a honey do list. I have already done what I can, he helps with stuff I can't. No wonder you people are miserable and divorce like changing under wear. No one would be nagging anyone if you people valued your spouse as much as you value your self. What you described is a healthy marriage. In a healthy marriage, there is no nagging. Nagging is not just asking your husband do do something after you've done everything you can do. It's asking him to do more than his share, repeatedly. They are the types that complain about how hard their day is when they don't work, clean, take care of the kids or do anything other than watch tv and goto spas. For instance, if you asked your husband to take out the trash, then he tells you, Sure honey, let me finish up this work on my car. If you were a true nagger, then that would be unacceptable. How dare your man respond to your demand with anything less than immediate action. You would then proceed to ask him the same question every five minutes for the next hour until he either does it or argues, that's if he's got even a tiny pair. Then, you would make sure to follow him as he tried to take out the trash just so you could complain about how he didn't put the bag in properly or how you always have to tell him 100 times to do whatever. What you described is a marriage where both parties pull their weight and work together. In my book, nagging is universal, but it definitely is propagated by women more. They were socially conditioned through crappy sitcoms to believe that men are lazy and worthless unless they have a woman behind them while screaming and criticizing them the whole time. Which is the exact way to create a lazy husband when he decides that the only way to live with such a selfish person is to just work long days and ignore her. Thankfully, my wife is more like your husband. She pulls her weight and tries to work together. After 32 years of marriage, teaching students, study and observation, I believe women have to nag men because, fundamentally, men do not like women. You'll note the early behavior of young boys from 5-13 is pretty much, Girls. Nothing changes here except for the lust factor. That's okay, since girls' hormones tends to kick in at about the same age. But once lust is fairly satisfied, men quickly revert to their contempt for females, and proceed to either ignore them, or to become outright hostile towards them. I'm beginning to think this is some strange evolutionary adaptation, though for what reason, I cannot fathom. I know there are some exceptions to this rule, though the ignore factor usually remains, though occasionally without the element of hostility. I know women put demands upon men, because there aren't usually enough hours in the day to work a job, then return home, cook a meal, and clean up the general mess that most men unconsciously strew as they move about wherever they go like the character Pigpen in Peanuts, the comic strip. Of course, if women either didn't exist, or didn't sometimes nag men to pick up, clean up, mend, or fix household things, men, as a group, would likely still be mud-covered, lice-ridden, subterranean troglodytes, and probably still lacking even the rudiments of a written language. I find that if I bribe my man with sex along with my request, I clean up. Sure, some men are not hard-wired to provide and protect, but most are as long as they have not been beaten to a pulp by 3rd wave feminists. It's a lost art for women to learn to drop a handkerchief and have men dive for it. Sorry sweeties, you can open your own car doors if you want to, It's impressive, dearie. Anyone who repeatedly asks someone else to do something is nagging. The gender of the nagger or the naggee has nothing to do with it. Are women more likely to nag than men. I'm not sure, but I'm going to say probably so. Let's say Person A thinks the living room needs painting. If Person A is a man and Person B is a woman, I suspect Person A is more likely to go ahead and paint the room himself. If Person A is a woman and Person B is a man, Person A is more likely to repeatedly request or nag Person B to paint the room. I completely agree, and I have some suggestions for anyone, man or woman, who would like to stop nagging. If you don't know how, look it up on youtube. Some thoughtful person has probably uploaded a video explaining how to do the task. If you still feel unable to complete the task, you could pay someone to do it. Bottom line: if you want something done, take responsibility instead of nagging. Its not so much person b wants the room painting and person b doesn't. It's more alone the lines of, the mold has gotten so bad on the dishes that they have started to move of their own accord, yet person A, even though they dirtied those dished by eating off them, thinks that it's not their problem to clean up after themselves while person B doesn't want to play mommy to a grown ass adult. It's more along the lines of Bills need to be paid, the dishes need to get done, the trash needs to be taken out, dinner needs to be made, the laundry cleaned, the insurance renewed, the parent-teacher conference attended. Women nag more because men do less. You sound like a typical woman. You are confusing chores with women's inherited need to be feathering the nest. Most men can relate to this as the honey-do-list never seem to vanish. I say vanish because even a completed one always seem to be replaced by a new one. A lot of these projects dreamt up in women's minds usually cost money, or require outside expertise. Far from all men happens to be born a handyman, but women seem to think that we indeed are. Let me give you an example of this behaviour; While I was still married, my wife wanted to renovate the kitchen. My usual response to this request was that it's too expensive as it would require contractors, and needed to be put on hold until we could actually afford it. Let me point out that it wasn't like I didn't want the kitchen redone as well. Here is the thing; if the women they associate with have had their houses renovated recently, the pressure is usually on the husband to get his ass in gear. Here is what happened in my case; one day I walked into the house from work and discovered that one wall was completely removed in our kitchen power to all the appliances were removed and disconnected. She had hired a contractor to do the job paid with money we didn't really haveand then had the audacity to tell me finish the job. Long story short, it eventually put an end to our marriage. No, women nag more because they are never satisfied. I'm not saying that trash doesn't need to go out and laundry doesn't need to be done. It's just that women come up with endless lists of things why do women nag are absolutely unnecessary, and expect men to just spend their day following orders after they go out and earn the money that pays all those bills, of course. Women nag more because men don't do what needs to be done. If men just followed through on their responsibilities in the first place, there would be no need to ask. No one who gets there shit done on their own like adults don't get nagged. If there is someone who has asked for a favor two to three times, there is someone who has refused or ignored that simple request two or three times, instead of just getting shit done. I ran this through my woman-speak translator, and this is what came out: Women nag because men don't understand that they are supposed to obey our every whim. If men just did as they're told at all times, they wouldn't get nagged. When a man decides what to do with his own time, he's acting like a disobedient child. If a woman asks for a favor, that's not a request, it should be treated like a command. If not, prepare to be nagged into an early grave. Would someone please explain to me why no men on this thread are coming out with statements that their wives are expected to obey their every wish. Is it because women really are the only naggers. Or is it just that men don't want to admit to doing it too. Men don't do what needs to be done. Men have always been the ones to handle the most important and hardest tasks. The problem is that most women see their husbands as tools who are just there to do work for them. I see this with nearly every couple I know. The woman believes that it's her responsibility to decide what needs to be done, and it's the man's responsibility to do what he is told. Not just with housework, but with everything. Why do women nag a man is married, he's treated like an indentured servant. Women never ask permission to go do whatever they want. And men never complain unless they are complaining about the woman spending too much of their money. But why do women nag a man does one little thing he enjoys, he'll get absolute hell for it. Doing why do women nag little thing you ask isn't a man's responsibility. Being married doesn't mean you can just demand whatever you want. Women make lists of work for men to do on top of the man usually working to bring in the majority of the money to support the family. There's no male version of a honey do list, because men don't ask women for what you call favors constantly. If a man wants something done, he just does it. If a woman wants something done, she tells her husband to do it. And the requests demands are absolutely unreasonable. I see women just go on and on and on to their husbands about things that just don't need to be done. It's like they work really hard just to come up with things that could possibly be done, whether they need to or not. This is why I don't get married. The whole institution is stupid - it's sold as love and companionship, but it's expected that a man gets married and abandons any and everything in his life to provide for his wife, no matter how entitled and demanding she is. What you are neglecting to see is that this long list of chores are all things that women want, not things that need to be done. I cringe at how married women spend all of their time shopping for knick-knacks and decorations for the house, and then demand that the husband install them and maintain them. Women do tend to clean a lot, but the entire set of chores are just things women want, that are not important to men and certainly not necessary for survival. I witness my friends and neighbors and family get married, and it's just assumed that once married, a man has to give up any and all interests and fun things, and spend all of his time serving the needs and wants of the woman. Men don't act like why do women nag - women just demand more and more and more, and will keep raising the level of selfish demands until the man breaks, or puts up enough resistance to stop it which is a lot of resistance. It is not a husband's job to abandon his life in order to just provide any and everything his wife wants. It shows just how selfish you are that you made this statement. Women nag because they see men as machines why do women nag serve them. Why do women nag ask very, very little of wives. It's just surreal the amount of entitlement and selfishness that is so common among married women today. It's a great thing that marriage is going out of style. Men are realizing that there is absolutely no benefit to getting married. It starts with bribing her with a completely worthless ring that costs tens of thousands of dollars. What does the woman offer in return. Just the possibility of meeting the man's proffer of saying yes. After that, the marriage becomes just a tribute to satisfying the woman's wants. Men traditionally spend the majority of their time working to buy things the woman wants. And then he comes home from a long day of hard work, to a list of demands from the wife - more crap she wants. What about the things the man wants. It's just expected that he give up all of them. I feel so sorry for my male friends that got married. I see them on facebook spending all their time doing what their wife wants. Every inch of their house is set up according to the wife's wants. They hang out with the wife's friends - the husbands are only allowed to go out with friends as a treat if they work really, really hard to cater to her constant demands. Then she goes to the spa, to yoga, and the salon, and out to a nice restaurant that the husband pays for, and gossiping with her girlfriends. And meanwhile, the husband who is beat from working his 50 hour a week job, gets nitpicked to death about every little thing in the world, 99% of which just do not matter at all. No wonder every woman is so excited about marriage - they are getting themselves a handy servant who not only is expected to do whatever he's told, but also provides a house and cars and a fat bank account. So stop saying that anytime a man doesn't snap to when you give him an order, that he's being childish. And what would you call a congenitally lazy layabout woman who even though she is a stay at home spouse still expects her husband to do most of the cooking most of the housework all of the yard work earn all repeat all of the money and split the child care and yet who is always condescendingly correcting everything repeat everything her husband does and becomes politically correctly enraged if the n word is ever used nag about her. Welcome to my world, and you can go jump in the lake you self satisfied man-hating delusional twit. I'm convinced you have no idea what you're talking about and are not married nor know what goes on in your friends' married lives. All of what you described sounds like a bad episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. Married life isn't like the pessimistic hellhole you described. Sounds like you get all of your influence from tv. It's Exaggerated characters with contrasting dilemmas to why do women nag conflict and an interesting show. No one's going to watch a show where the couple get along 100% of the time. Plus, most women work nowadays, so both the man and woman are coming home from 50+ work weeks to houses that need to be cleaned. You know houses need to cleaned right. Please tell me you clean your house. Anyway, with a name like Mack Daddy I assume you have a bias towards sleeping with people and avoiding any type of meaningful relationship for fear of being asked to wash your dishes, fold a towel or two, or clean your piss from the bathroom floor. Like every other woman who cares to reply, you bring up cleaning and not a word mentioned about the endless renovation projects on your honey-do-lisst. The problem is that whenever we do help out with cleaning, you expect us to continue on with whatever renovation project you have dreamt up. After my divorce I do clean my appartment. However, I do not clean just because it's a certain day of the week, but whenever I realise it's necessary. That brings up another point; while I was married, my ex's bigger cleaning projects seemed to always coincide with her periods. Most of my male friends will concur. Women on here will hate reading it. You described my married life. The whole house she decorates and all my stuff is in the garage. This summer she wanted me to clean up the garage to her liking. In woman code it means get rid of your junk. I cleaned the garage last year, but this year since I didn't throw my stuff away I caught hell all summer for. I know many couples who are delighted to serve each other. This post is pretty biased to interpret the word, nag, from a gender role perspective, and in doing so, misses other important details. The word centuries makes it seem like why do women nag been around forever. A quick etymology search of the word nag; however, suggests that the verb as we know it today has only been around since the early 1800s, which means that it's only been around for about 2 centuries. Also, the word nag isn't just attributed the women. The post ignores the fact that parents both mothers and fathers nag, grandparents nag, siblings nag, teachers nag, and friends sometimes nag too sometimes playfully. The key difference I've noticed is that women are more persistent with it. It's not a word that's simply dedicated to the role of women or wives. It also assumes that nagging is a negative stereotype, but that depends on how you look at it. Nagging certainly has its negative connotations - its repetitive nature is what really annoys me about it. On the other hand, it generally demonstrates a certain level of concern and care on the part of the person nagging. Imagine if you were in a relationship with a person who never asked for anything or complained. You could ask for as much as you wanted, but the other person wouldn't be allowed to make any demands. Sounds pretty good, doesn't it. The relationship could be all take and no unpleasant give. This is why the nagging accusation can be so comforting. If one can avoid any request or demand by simply accusing the requester of being a nag then the problem goes away. It's a neat trick that men have devised to thwart any change in their behavior or work. Of course, women can use it as well but since the culturally acceptable practice is to accuse females of nagging they may have less success with it. It is also culturally acceptable of accusing women of being bossy, that can be used as well to neutralize a woman from asking for anything. To me, those are just excuses that perpetuate the ill-conceived notions that women are helpless victims of male bullies. I don't agree with them for two reasons: 1 There are a lot of women today who are empowered to defy that which is culturally acceptable, and 2 I don't know about other generations, but I'm a Millennial who grew up with the idea that if a woman replies a man's request for anything with a stern, No. On the contrary, I was told that this is something that's very rude for a man to do to a woman. How about that power imbalance in gender roles of contemporary society. What you just described is pretty much the role that men are expected to fill in a marriage. Once married, their job, on top of the 50-60 hours a week they spend earning all of the money to support the family or at least most of the money, in most casesis to spend all of their time doing tasks that the wife wants done. Why do women nag visit married couples, and I see their house is 99% stuff the woman chooses. Every piece of furniture, every painting, every curtain is something that the wife chose and the man often paid for. It's the same with their marriages - every aspect of the marriage complies to the wife's design. And men are given a special treat, like a dog, of having a single hour of time to themselves once every week or two to watch baseball or something. And the wife withholds or gives sex to punish or reward him - although the sex is something she enjoys too - it's seen as a reward the wife gives the husband. Women are accused of nagging because men don't do it. When men want something done, they do it. When women want something done, they tell the man to do it. And most all of the time it's something completely unnecessary. So yes, many men have learned to just ignore the never-ending stream of requests and demands from their wives. Because the more they do for them, the more their wives demand. Women see a husband as a machine that provides money and does chores for them, while they live a life of fulfillment and meaning, the man is expected to sacrifice absolutely everything to serve the woman. It used to be that women did a bunch of housework and cooking and whatnot. So it was kind of equal - the man worked a job and did all of the harder tasks and heavy lifting at home, while the woman cooked and cleaned and took care of the kids. But these days, those tasks are automated, done by hired help, and simple. But the man is still expected to go to work everyday while the wife goes and gets mani-pedi's and does yoga and goes shopping. Yeah, a lot of women also work, but the number of stay at home wives is exponentially greater than stay at home husbands. It has become a binding contract for men to give up everything the deem important and dedicate their entire lives to serving the woman's desires. I have noticed among my boyfriends that the ones who nag are the ones who are weak, lack confidence and feel they lack power. The strong and confident ones, in my experience, will ask once and if refused whether directly with a 'no' or indirectly through inaction would have too much pride to ask again. They would feel it's undignified and beneath them to ask again when something has already been refused. In the majority of marriages, I see women nag so constantly that they just wear down men's will, and break their spirit. It becomes easier to just give up every single minute of their lives to fulfilling their wives wishes than it is to argue. It's why men are always complaining about marriage - they get no benefit out of it. It's an institution that has become simply a legal contract requiring men to serve the woman they married. Men are realizing that there is no benefit for them to be married, and are choosing to stay single and enjoy their lives. Having had the displeasure of being married to a psychologist, I've noticed anecdotally this unhealthy, exaggerated female neo-assertiveness more and more. I've found this mainly from socially unaware women that were often brought up in privilege. Fostered by a patriarchal structure seems to create a perpetual chip on the shoulder and a sense of entitlement. Even a sliver of awareness would reveal a modern U. My main complaint of this article is that it fails to address the repetitiveness inherent in nagging. By framing it as a stereotype perpetuated by fearful-of-loosing-control-men, it negates whatever female control daddy, ha. As the recovery world would why do women nag clean up your side of the street. When a man asks a woman to do something and she says Yes. When a woman asks a man he says Yes. I don't put him in the position of having to nag. It irritates the heck out of me when my husband why do women nag me to stop nagging. If you weren't going to do it, then just say no. Vicious cycle that why do women nag use that word so freely. I kept asking for the garage to be cleaned out and the shelving we bought installed and offered to help. Constant response was I'll do it. After 3 years I just wasn't asking any more so I waited for him to go out of town, cleaned it, installed shelving, etc. I thought 3 years was really a reasonable wait. So, every time your husband asks you to do something, you immediately jump up and do it. I'm a woman, and I certainly don't do everything my husband tells me to. And, yes, he nags at me sometimes. Either way, I'm really pleased that you were able to stop nagging your husband about the garage and do the job yourself. The only problem is that then you expected him to be grateful. You wanted the garage cleaned out and he didn't. That is, he spent money to do a project he wanted and we both agreed needed to be done but he just didn't complete -- it was on his to-do list, not mine since we keep lists. And, yes, if he asks me to do something I either say no if it is unreasonable which is rare because he is reasonable or it gets done in the time frame I tell him I will do it. I didn't really expect a thank you although would've been nice but I certainly didn't expect to be chastised. John Denver was married to his first wife. She wanted him to go with her to purchase a new bed, but he was busy with his singing career and he told her to quit nagging. After two years of waiting the wife went to a store alone and bought a new bed figuring John Denver would be pleased. When he returned home to find a new bed, he didn't thank her. He took a chainsaw and cut the new headboard in half. That was the end of the marriage. I've never heard a man be nagged for doing what was asked of him. Men don't share women's never ending inherited need to feather the nest. In this modern world there is usually no need to keep doing it out of necessity, so it only serves to satisfy women's conceitedness and vanity. Here is my message to women; To be happy in life you must learn the difference between what you want vs need. The obvious side effect of this is a happier man that may actually end up being more forthcoming with your remodelling projects or whatever. When it comes to cleanliness, there are also inherited differenses. Many women still see the cleanliness of their home as a direct reflection of them personally google it. What universial law states that men should have to adopt this notion in order to keep the peace within the 4 walls. Anynonous Poster 9-21-14 Your statement Men don't share women's never ending inherited need to feather the nest. In this modern world there is usually no need to keep doing it out of necessity. That is such a broad stroke of your brush. I could paint men with a broad brush stroke and say, Men do not know how to touch the right spots in women, the way men are designed to touch women. That thought is indeed on women's minds, but often we find that men lash out at women for generalizing them. Also, I do realize that some men would jump all over my comment and label me as a troll, feminist, man-hater, or some such name. In addition, your statement, Here is my message to women; To be happy in life you must learn the difference between what you want vs need. Anonymous, there is so much that I want to say about these two statements. But I would just write that, you cannot tell women how to be happy or what to place in their basket of things to be happy about. That is not your job or a right. Most importantly, you are a man and cannot speak of the female experience. You are in a whole other realm. Also, where do you come off telling women that there is a side effect of a man being more forthcoming with your remodeling project or whatever. You are wayyyyyy out of your lane. What does conceit and vanity have to do with a woman nesting and setting up a home to raise children in. That is what a mother is supposed to do. That just goes to show how ridiculous men's notions are about women. You cannot raise children in a field. You need a warm, clean, child- friendly home for babies. And as far as your comment about women worrying about whether the home is clean or not. Well, let me set the record straight about why a woman stresses so much about that. It's partly because your mother and father and your aunt and your grandparents and your buddies will be all over town talking about how bad of a housekeeper your wife is, if she let her home be unkept. Your fast but mom would be the first big mouth to complain. You know how nasty a mother in law can be about her son's wife. Mothers in law and fathers in law can be brutal, all while the otherwise mean husband will not open his mouth and defen his wife. We all like to have things beyond the bear minimum. If it wasn't the case we would all be living in huts. To see more than what you have now and try for it is human. Yes, you don't need to change the house annually, but giving up is an equally stupid point of view.

It's a neat trick that men have devised to thwart any change in their behavior or work. Therefore it is ordered that they shall be told in church to stop their scolding. It's why men are always complaining about marriage - they get no benefit out of it. Often times, instead of logically arguing with facts, we then revert to emotional reasoning, in order to protect women from perceived criticism and attack. Going in with low expectations helps. Simply state that you feel that you are being nagged, which is an unacceptable way to give a message and invite a discussion on how both your needs can be met. If you don't give us this periodic reassurance, you can pretty much bet that we will nag you for it. Having expectations that they just couldn't meet, no matter how hard they tried. It does not aim to point out that all men react one way or all women respond as another.